"Going Back " not always a bad thing

This morning I once again realize how refreshing some of the old ways were and can be still today.As I hung the freshly washed sheets,white pj's,breakfast coat and gowns on the clothes line,yes,clothes line,I once again was taken back to the simple things of life.Simple is not to be mistaken for easier.It takes much more time and energy to hang clothes out to dry than to throw them in the dryer,I've been doing that for years, and still do on days required by weather or things needing to be with that less starchy feel,but,since coming back to my childhood roots,I find every day I long for more of the warm and peaceful feelings i had back then.I realized that the inconveniences of those days were really memories in the making ,my memories.Young ladies,you haven't experienced the joy of sheets bathed in warm sunshine until you hang them out to dry,and I might add, it takes no electricity!Well,i really don't expect many of us to enjoy this task,nor to look for things to do that add more hands on work to already busy days,but I think to do this just once could bring freshness to your beds and a smile to your face,besides one day you will be able to say,as i do now,i remember when..........

New mexico

It is July and we have traveled so many roads since I blogged last.Literally,we have been in and out of desert roads,around and around mountains,and have seen the most beautiful sights we could dream of!this change in our lives was a change we had hoped for but wasn't sure how it could happen.We stepped out!Believe me,not without fear and looking back sometimes.Change is one of the hardest places in life to walk through,and yet always important if we are going to grow.The hardest part of this change for us was the leaving our children,grandchildren,sisters and brother behind.I realize that I almost thought if I wasn't close by, God couldn't take care of them,that's how I lived anyway.I had put myself in a position of "i can take care of that",no matter how big the problem,no matter how much or what it took.Yes,it became unhealthy, mostly for the ones i hovered over.I have a tendency to call it love when ,looking at the situation in the eyes of truth,it's more the need to control.This is only one of the things I have had to search out about me on this journey of life changes.I feel overwhelmed at how self righteous a life can become in the disguise of love.Oh well,we are loving New Mex.I was raised here until the age of fourteen,And strange as it seems to others,I feel like I've come home.I want to share this time of life with the children and grands and all the rest of family and friends.I want to be a better mom,wife,Nana.I want to see the sunset of my life make a difference for the better.And I want to walk into that sunset with a sense of knowing I came home to become a better me.

Is this how it is for real!?????? I'll be 60 in June and somehow I feel more lost than ever.,So not together. Gary wants to walk away from this life we've made home,and.... most days I do too.Today I feel like the puzzle pieces are thrown to the floor and there is no way to pick them up,much less put them back together again.I know,most of you blog about all the fun things in your lives and post cute pictures.I'm so boring.A new start sounds so wonderful and yet it also feels very uncertain,like unrealistic,too far out there.Change is coming,I know that,just hope it's for the best, for the rest of this life,and that somehow I will be something, or someone for others that will matter.I want to be all I can be,all Gary needs me to be; I want to see Gary happy! Then I will feel like nothing will be lost.

broken hearted

Woke up this morning tears streaming down my face.We the people,who are called to love and serve ,to care and help bear the burdens of others,dismissed from anything that requires our time and care.Ihave four beautiful sistersand one brother,many are the family heartaches ,many failings, but always attempting to do better.One of us have struggled with alchohol addiction for many years ,others of us struggles with food addictions.some have been in and out of marriages,some have given up hope once or twice but God's grace didn't give up on us, therefore we are still here. I think i've been waiting for a long time to see those of us as a church step up and "be" the church.If so much heartache can be in our family, and no one ,who is saying they are our brothers and sisters in Christ, ever shows up in the situation to help love us through it all,then what is the relationship ?This week I've spent more hours in the hospital with a heart broken and very physically ill sister ,and not one church friend has called or come to say a word that might bring hope. I really look at myself and see I have done the same many times,and it makes me sick at me .God help me to stop living so selfishly.Please Jesus,help me "be" who I say I am,help me see past me and see the pain in the eyes of someone who is looking for You,and be able to give them Hope and assure them You are there.