Sunday service

We serve more than Sunday's ,it's our fulltime life commitment !
We now live in
Mescalero,new Mexico, the reservation of the Apache Indian
serving the people of the Apache assembly of God church
God has blessed us here with a loving people and great expectation of a future church filled with workers in the service of winning souls for Christ.
The reservation has much sadness and spiritual darkness,much alcohol ,much suicide.the lifespan of 35 years is average because of life habits that cause early death. We have such a challenge ahead of us.
God spoke this to me when we were leaving our wonderful home in Nogal,
"From selfish solitude to sobering surrender"
I can no longer say i have all the quiet and peace that was in nogal
I don't have my days to myself
But I do have days filled with a sure purpose, a desire to see lives touched by the hand of God,however God chooses to use us, we cry out for willing hearts and determined spirit.

mescalero new mexico 2012

In fear, I fail

weary

I weep

Taking things to Jesus

never mine to keep

2012 has begun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012 Has begun!

Mescalero Apache Worship center is now our place of service to the Lord as interim pastors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had absolutely no idea where this move to New Mex was heading but we did know God was gently leading us all the way.

Yes,on the first day of this new year we were installed as temporary pastors for this awesome people and we are so honored! I feel ..........................................

Excited

afraid

unworthy

but confident that He who has begun this work in us will complete it.

Finding our place

Finding our place in this life is an on going process,just as you think you've arrived, you feel stirred to keep looking at the possibilities ahead of you.

We have been attending the most precious church in Mescalero New Mex.God is stirring us to serve the people there and yet we are an hour away from the church,through the mountains,night time driving is a challenge.It is hard to commit to what we know will be difficult..I felt coming to the house in Nogal was a God thing,it is such a wonderful place to be,had no idea we would go to church so far away when we chose this house to be home.And so I lay in bed wondering how all of this will come together,what does God have in His plans and will we recognize it when we see it face to face.Finding our place is more important than anything,not in houses or land, but in the work of the kingdom Of God,our place in His body.

"Going Back " not always a bad thing

This morning I once again realize how refreshing some of the old ways were and can be still today.As I hung the freshly washed sheets,white pj's,breakfast coat and gowns on the clothes line,yes,clothes line,I once again was taken back to the simple things of life.Simple is not to be mistaken for easier.It takes much more time and energy to hang clothes out to dry than to throw them in the dryer,I've been doing that for years, and still do on days required by weather or things needing to be with that less starchy feel,but,since coming back to my childhood roots,I find every day I long for more of the warm and peaceful feelings i had back then.I realized that the inconveniences of those days were really memories in the making ,my memories.Young ladies,you haven't experienced the joy of sheets bathed in warm sunshine until you hang them out to dry,and I might add, it takes no electricity!Well,i really don't expect many of us to enjoy this task,nor to look for things to do that add more hands on work to already busy days,but I think to do this just once could bring freshness to your beds and a smile to your face,besides one day you will be able to say,as i do now,i remember when..........

New mexico

It is July and we have traveled so many roads since I blogged last.Literally,we have been in and out of desert roads,around and around mountains,and have seen the most beautiful sights we could dream of!this change in our lives was a change we had hoped for but wasn't sure how it could happen.We stepped out!Believe me,not without fear and looking back sometimes.Change is one of the hardest places in life to walk through,and yet always important if we are going to grow.The hardest part of this change for us was the leaving our children,grandchildren,sisters and brother behind.I realize that I almost thought if I wasn't close by, God couldn't take care of them,that's how I lived anyway.I had put myself in a position of "i can take care of that",no matter how big the problem,no matter how much or what it took.Yes,it became unhealthy, mostly for the ones i hovered over.I have a tendency to call it love when ,looking at the situation in the eyes of truth,it's more the need to control.This is only one of the things I have had to search out about me on this journey of life changes.I feel overwhelmed at how self righteous a life can become in the disguise of love.Oh well,we are loving New Mex.I was raised here until the age of fourteen,And strange as it seems to others,I feel like I've come home.I want to share this time of life with the children and grands and all the rest of family and friends.I want to be a better mom,wife,Nana.I want to see the sunset of my life make a difference for the better.And I want to walk into that sunset with a sense of knowing I came home to become a better me.

Is this how it is for real!?????? I'll be 60 in June and somehow I feel more lost than ever.,So not together. Gary wants to walk away from this life we've made home,and.... most days I do too.Today I feel like the puzzle pieces are thrown to the floor and there is no way to pick them up,much less put them back together again.I know,most of you blog about all the fun things in your lives and post cute pictures.I'm so boring.A new start sounds so wonderful and yet it also feels very uncertain,like unrealistic,too far out there.Change is coming,I know that,just hope it's for the best, for the rest of this life,and that somehow I will be something, or someone for others that will matter.I want to be all I can be,all Gary needs me to be; I want to see Gary happy! Then I will feel like nothing will be lost.

broken hearted

Woke up this morning tears streaming down my face.We the people,who are called to love and serve ,to care and help bear the burdens of others,dismissed from anything that requires our time and care.Ihave four beautiful sistersand one brother,many are the family heartaches ,many failings, but always attempting to do better.One of us have struggled with alchohol addiction for many years ,others of us struggles with food addictions.some have been in and out of marriages,some have given up hope once or twice but God's grace didn't give up on us, therefore we are still here. I think i've been waiting for a long time to see those of us as a church step up and "be" the church.If so much heartache can be in our family, and no one ,who is saying they are our brothers and sisters in Christ, ever shows up in the situation to help love us through it all,then what is the relationship ?This week I've spent more hours in the hospital with a heart broken and very physically ill sister ,and not one church friend has called or come to say a word that might bring hope. I really look at myself and see I have done the same many times,and it makes me sick at me .God help me to stop living so selfishly.Please Jesus,help me "be" who I say I am,help me see past me and see the pain in the eyes of someone who is looking for You,and be able to give them Hope and assure them You are there.

Finding self

Finding myself in the daily crazy situations in life, is a very big challenge.Maybe" self" is not who I should be looking for however; she doesn't have answers,doesn't know what to think or feel about a lot of the going on.There is One who does,even though He doesn't tell me all I wish to know.Guess He couldn't trust me nor many of you either to stick around for the rest of the story if we knew the details and what it might require of us.I hope to stay faithful and true to all I believe and am convienced is the only truth and way in life to go.I hope to lead someone else away from looking for "self " and towards Him.In Him there is life in the weariest times,there is hope in a better tommorrow,there is peace "in" the craziness,and a breath of fresh air when the hardest heartaches weigh heavy on my chest.I will stop looking to be able to expect" self to fix " ,at least I will attempt to do so.

Where do we go from here?

when my heart is shattered, my thoughts unraveled,this unsetteled feeling inside,I know God can see how all of this matters ,He cares even more than I see.Troubles not trouble if it brings us to Jesus,pastor said in his sermon yesterday. i keep wanting Him closer so I guess that's my answer to where do I go from here. Let the tears keep falling,I'll keep calling on the only one who has answers for this.not a heartbreak unmended ,I haven't pretended I knew what the answer should be.I carry this sorrow day after tommorrow and even the day after that,until one day I surrender,I know that it matters, where I should go from here.Please take this pain away,and please don't let me stray,not from the only real hope ,please see my broken heart,please in my spirit start a healing that only you do .please see my fear and doubt,please wash this sorrow out show me Jesus ,where do I go from here?

spinning

Spinning ,my head is dizzy,or is it my heart is dizzy?so many thoughts laying on the surface of my head yet in the deep places of my heart.And of course,thoughts create feeling and feeling creates emotion,and on and on we go.However ,so grateful to have a mind to think with and a heart to feel with.And.. I also have the right to make good of my thoughts and feeling according to my choices.So important for me to have an opened mind to the Word of God, and an open heart to the voice of God ,so that my heart and mind might be subject to someone Who sees and knows all things and can gently lead me to and in paths of His constant care.In this I stand confident and sure "God would never lead me down a road alone nor take me places He wouldn't think I could go with and in Him"

trusting

trusting, for me, is probably one of the greatest obstacles.once lied to,i seem to listen to every word spoken and hear the ones not spoken. Honesty is not the usual these days .people seem to say everything but what you need to know about themselves, and the rest of their story. are you trying to guess what I'm not saying right now?well........ what i will say is ,there are too many words and emotions running wild around here and so little information.I really feel foolish for taking my time on such empty conversation. then ,of all things, i go to face book and i get folks talking about every one else as though they are the only ones that have anything put together . I really think face book is the face less book , alot of people needing to be noticed , and telling you what might make them seem so heroic. Now that's what i'm talking about,empty communication,kind of like this article i'm writing now. Spinning in circles,trying to trust that what you say is truth, knowing all along we're all on the surface of decision but fearful to jump in. looking at a thing called facebook and hoping for some little word that seems real, knowing all along we barely cover what is real or even sort of feel. not to be critical of you my face book friends,i'm also one of you. now you read between the lines and find the words unspoken here.

Dreams ,running wildly in my head. Hope for a future filled with touching the lives of others,looking beyond the needs of my own and beyond this great love i have for my family.There is almost an urgency I feel to move forward ,fully into the call on our lives to reach and love others to this great life of knowing Jesus.I want this more than anything I dream of .Life on this earth as we know it now is quickly changing.The air is filled with uncertainty,our rights to share and live out openly the walk of Christianty,is being clouded over with an evil that can be felt every where. Nothing can seperate us from the love of God,neither life nor death nor principalities,nor powers below nor in the air can seperate us from the great love of God.This is the love that will sustain us in the darkest hour.I have dreams of newness,of refreshing of my mind ,body and soul. Never do I want to live out dreams that only bless me or only contain the lives of my children and grand children. There is room in my heart to love many,to carry the load together that life brings to us.The mercies of God are new every morning,great is His faithfulness! We may cross many more valleys ,climb many more hills but never alone.we must take heart,we cannot faint in our weariness of well doing.Dream the biggest dreams we can ,let God lead,and the way will always be right.Where there is no vision we will perish.

Family

I suppose I have on of the most interesting families there are.Five girls in our crew and only one boy.Raised in New Mexico most of my growing up years,Our Father in the army,our Mother a stay at home Mom.I really don't think Mom had any other choice, with six children to raise,and even if she did have ,she would have still chosen to be with us.We had hard times and we never used that as an excuse to not be faithful to one another or to not live life as though we were the happiest family on earth.Today Mom and Dad are both gone and we still all hold very closely to one another. Yesterday and the day before we all helped our wonderful stepmom move into her new place,knowing it will be her final dwelling place here on this earth,she says. We did that together ,laughing , talking about which way this or that should be.We tried to get things comfortable enough for her first night in her new home,so so much left to do.It makes me smile seeing that one has this hurting ,the other that, and we keep carring on like silly little girls ,and one rather serious brother in such situations. Life is so good having this kind of love to share. I pray we will always give one another reasons to smile .I hope to always see the best in each of us far outweighs the bad.I hope to feel secure in my tears as well as laughter,in sharing the good and the bad with one another."Til death do us part " does,and has always stood as true to our family ,as is does to marriage,and for that I am and will forever be grateful for.FAMILY,one of God's great plans for man!

Mothers day 2010

Woke up to a very cool and cloudy day,very relaxing actually. Gary and I celebrated last night ,went to Outback ,came home and watched some of Superman ,ha.I think the movie was more a guy thing ,don't you think? Today is a day filled with many memories for me. Mom has been gone for five years now ,and I only miss her more. there has never been such an awesome lady as my Mother.Six children to clean and cook for,see us off to school and welcome us home.I never remember hearing her have to raise her voice to get our attention ,there was just this look in her eye that let you know you'd better pay attention right now,ha.Faithfulness was definitly one of the many beautiful words that described her.Mom stood by her man even in the hardest of times,she stood by her children the same.I knew Mom knew me so well that words didn't have to be spoken.I think about the growing up years when money was so little and she still put together the best home cooked meals,she made all the clothes for we five girls and of course had to buy our one and only brothers things. Christmas was so special because we could know we would get one store bought outfit.The thing about it all, we had all we needed and never felt poor or less than, Mom carried those burdens all by herself. Faithful to her Jesus, her life consisted of her love for Him and it was so evident by the way she loved others,always putting them and their needs before her own. Mom was a caring and kind lady ,so filled with understanding ,absolutely the definition of grace!I miss her today ,I'll always miss her,no one can fill the place of a Mother who gave her all for those God gave to her. God blessed our family with another Mom and to day we celebrate her, Tamar Nelson Pennington, she too is a beautiful,loving and caring lady and we ,I, feel so blessed to have her.And even though she was Dad's second wife, and he has passed,he left us with a wonderful Mom to love and enjoy .God has been nothing but good to me as being a mother too. Four wonderful children , and five wonderful Grands. I have two precious daughters in law and two wonderful sons in law.I only wish I could say I had been just like my Mom, I can't. I haven't always been kind,nor have I not raised my voice.I have failed at my own standards,but I know I have loved and stood faithful ,and I love being "MOM"

Life has some real uncertainty,However I know in whom I have believed ,I am persuaded that He is able to keep all that I've committed unto Him.I will trust in Him and lean not to my own understanding.He will direct my path.Of this I am certain.